Calling, Birth Control, etc....

So, I've been thinking a lot lately about God's calling on our lives. The fact that He calls each of us (Christians) to different things. The fact that most Christians I know, at some point, seem to become discontent with their calling and want a calling that is not theirs, or even want no calling at all.... I've just been contemplating the "why" of this... the fact that we tend to question our calling, or ignore our calling, or be completely ignorant to what our call is.

I'm guilty for sure. God has called me to some things that I thing "wha??? God, you're crazy!". Okay, so maybe you don't think I should talk to God that way, but I do. God knows I'm thinking it, so I may as well say it to Him :-) Anyway, I do not understand they "why" of God's call on my life. And I have certainly seen someone who is called to some amazing ministry and wondered why God didn't call me to that. I've also been tired and just flat out not wanted to serve or minister in any way.

So, how do we become content with God's call on our lives? How do we figure out what His call for us is?

The initial response of most Christians would be "pray". And, yes, that's true to a certain extent. But with some things in my life I've been called to, I never got that "lightning bolt" where God just came out of the clouds and told me what to do. I've mentioned before that we don't use birth control, so this is as good a time as any to share how we got to where we are on that issue...

When I was about to get married, I started taking the birth control pill. Mostly because it was the thing to do, and quite honestly, making a different choice didn't even cross my mind. My husband to be and I didn't even really discuss it. Fast forward a year... I accepted Christ... this is important because if I didn't know Christ, I wouldn't be able to hear from God.

Fast forward another several months.... I just started to become uncomfortable with birth control. There was no real apparent reason for this... there was just a discomfort there. I mentioned something to my husband about it, but we didn't really think much of it. Fast forward another few months... a couple friend of ours who we really weren't very close to, talked to us about the pill and gave us some reading material on the way it works. Once we read it, we were both so uncomfortable about it, we just could not use it. There was no question in either of our minds that it was wrong for us to use it. We didn't even need to pray about it. We just couldn't do it. We knew it was wrong.

One week later I found out I was pregnant :-) I had become pregnant while taking the pill and didn't know it (no antibiotics or missed pills), so needless to say, birth control was not an issue for several months :-)

After our baby was born, we started discussing options. We knew the pill was out, we knew we wanted more kids so we weren't willing to do anything permanent, so we started looking into other options. Without going into too many details, we just couldn't find a method of birth control that we were comfortable with. The way hormonal birth control works (this includes IUD's, Norplant, Depo Provera, the pill) is disturbing to me and something I was unaware of for a long time.

Okay, so at this point we didn't know what to do, and we started praying. Yes, maybe we should have started praying earlier than this, but we didn't. It wasn't till we were in a bind and unsure of what to do that we started praying. I'm not saying whether that was right or wrong, but it's just the truth... and, honestly, while I do believe we should constantly be in a state of prayer and talking with God, I also believe that sometimes we just know what's right. It's hard to explain, but we just know. So, we started praying and researching... and every time we'd look into a different form of birth control, we either felt it was unbiblical or it just wouldn't work for us (again, trying not to give tmi). After talking and praying, we came to the conclusion that the reason we weren't comfortable with these birth control methods and the reason they wouldn't work for us is because God wanted us to just trust Him. So, we did.

In between my first child and second child we conceived and lost four babies to miscarriage. This was hard and sad. We were confused as to why God would lead us to stop using birth control completely and then give us babies only to take them away. Our struggle during this time is a different story for a different day.

Then we conceived our second child and carried her to term with no complications. We had a boy and a girl now, and everyone thought we should stop having kids. But, no.. we didn't want to be "done", so not long after that, we conceived and carried to term another girl. They were 20 months apart and this was getting hard, so we went through a time of re-evaluation. Should we stop having kids? Should we do something permanent? Look into the birth control methods again? What to do, what to do?

So, we researched again. And we prayed again. Quite honestly, the permanent forms of birth control have side effects that are not okay with us. Side effects that doctors aren't quick to tell us about, or to scan over like they are not a big deal. But if they happen to you they are a big deal. Again... discomfort. We just weren't comfortable with our choices. We were having a hard time. As we did pray, we were convicted to look at our motives for not wanting more children. All we could come up with is that it was HARD and that we don't have a lot of money.

And it was hard... I am not a kid person. Yeah, that sounds terrible... but if you put me in a room full of kids, I am NOT in my comfort zone. My husband likes his space and his time... so why would we have more kids in our small home? I have no patience and go crazy at home and there are a ton more "reasons" why having more kids didn't make sense for us. And we don't have a lot of money. We have three bedrooms and in a day and age where kids supposedly "need" their own room, it's easy to say that we don't have enough room. And then there is the argument that while pregnant I am so much more impatient, so much less fun as a Mom, and very tired... and that because of these things it wasn't fair to my children to have more. So, there were tons of "reasons" why we couldn't and shouldn't have more children. Tons of them.

But sometimes God calls us out of our comfort zone... out of what might make sense to our worldly standards.. He calls us to set aside our wants and what we think our needs are and make a sacrifice. And the way I just worded that makes me uncomfortable... because while, yes, we made a sacrifice by having more children, our "sacrifice" has brought us unspeakable joy :-)

So, we knew God was speaking to our hearts and we decided to trust Him. After almost two years (of not using birth control of any kind... God definitely spaced our babies when in the past there was not much space) we conceived and carried to term a baby boy :) That helped me trust God. It helped me that He gave us a long space between kids. That way I didn't feel like I'd be having baby after baby after baby with no space in between.

Then I got pregnant again very quickly with baby number 5. And I didn't like it... I was upset and for the majority of the pregnancy I questioned God and quite honestly didn't want the baby. It sounds terrible and horrible, but it's true. I didn't want to be pregnant, I didn't want to have and take care of a baby. I just didn't :(

Then he was born. And I still questioned everything. He was cute and sweet... blah, blah, blah... but he was still a needy little newborn that consumed my time. But then God did it... He, as He always is, was faithful. And He gave me a moment, or a series of moments, really, where I just fell in love with my baby. Yes, he is needy, but he is precious and amazing and wonderful and I cannot imagine our lives without him. God is so good!

My husband and I just know that this is what God has called us to. We feel blessed that God would entrust us with these precious babies. And, admittedly, at times we are stressed and confused and we question. But God is faithful :) All of our arguments and excuses for not wanting more children just don't hold water. I'm not a kid person... I'm seriously not a fan of rooms full of other people's children. But God has blessed me with the most amazing and wonderful children.... so, while I'm not a huge fan of children in general, I am a fan of my sweet babies :-) And the no money argument.... my goodness, anyone in the world who owns as much as we do is wealthy by the world's standards. We had to seek God in helping us get over the fact that the people around us have more stuff than us, but that stuff is not eternal while our children's souls are. We wouldn't trade our babies for all the money in the world. Biblically, children are blessings... the love of money is the root of all evil. So, to put the fact that I want more stuff over the fact that God is calling us to have babies would be very, very wrong. And then the argument that it isn't fair to my kids... that is just ridiculous!! My older kids ADORE their baby brothers and sisters! The love in this house is multiplied each time a baby comes, it is not divided, as some would argue.

So, as far as knowing what our calling is... yes, pray! We did. But sometimes along the path, God just spoke to us. He didn't speak to us in huge lightning bolt ways, he spoke to us by making us uncomfortable. He spoke to us by putting people in our path that would tell us what we needed to hear. He spoke to us in many ways and at the times we were willing to listen, it was very clear what we should do. We learned that if we are teachable, willing, and listening that God speaks and leads and it is gently and quietly.... and sometimes it is way outside what we consider common sense and is definitely outside our comfort zone.

Before anyone gets offended, I do want to say that this is a description of our journey on this. And while I do think that in America our attitude toward children isn't what it should be, I don't believe that everyone should just try to have as many babies as they can. Each and every Christian couple should seek God's will for their lives in this area, be willing to listen, and then do as God leads.

So, there it is :-) Have a blessed day!